Ramadhan.

hai semua... Firstly Ra nak wish u all SELAMAT BERPUASA...5 Hari dah..25 days more...have a blessed Ramadhan.

Hmmm... honestly since Ra akil baligh .Ra tak pernah kira brapa kali ponteng puasa samaada uzur atau pura pura uzur :)) so bila sana sini orang bercerita pasal ganti puasa,Ra automatic mcm stood in silence...coz tak tau nak cakap apa.. My mum cakap if tahun tu kita ponteng puasa sehari and by the next puasa we tak ganti so before puasa tahun lagi satu i got to ganti 2 days.. tapi macam mana ni.. puasa tinggal berapa hari pun tak pernah keep track :(( so Ra yang bijaksana lagi comel ni start buat puasa sunat yang every Monday n thursday ( pada masa yang sama puasa ganti juga ) hehe so harap harap diterima la amalan Ra..

My 1st day puasa tahun ni went smoothly..berbuka with family..Aunty masak my fav meal.. Bihun Sup Utara... WHY dalam banyak banyak bihun sup Ra suka yang utara bukan timur or barat or selatan.. sebab, bihun dia colour kuning... nak tau mcm mana bleh jadi warna kuning coz time rendam bihun tu letak sikit kunyit n sup untuk bihun mestilah soup Gearbox..nyam nyam.. cili pula cili giling..memang power la...

2nd day puasa berbuka dalam bus...sedih kan :(( takper dah biasa dah.. Ma tapaukan daging goreng kunyit n soup ikan thai style...pastu ada ribena..hmmm WHY Ra berbuka dalam bus sebab kena fly pi Melbourne.
p/s: poyo x??? hahaha padahal dalam hati sakit sebab tak dapat berbuka kat rumah..dah la lay over flight w minimum rest kat Mel 12 hours jer.. stressssss!
On board, mesti korang terfikir how la cabin crew puasa?? ker tak puasa *wink*..walllaowei! puasa ar..time nak masuk Imsak n berbuka Tech Crew will make announcement n inform d cabin crew..TAPI my flight ni tech crew dia non-muslim so apa yang we all buat, w follow time Imsak m'sia..hehehe kira ok la tu..nama pun MUSAFIR.

Hari ke-3 , Ra kat Melbourne , sampai 0725 hrs local time.. lepas check in semua bantai tdoq tak hingat dunia..sedaq sedaq crew bilik sebelah called. Tanya nak pi makan pukul 1730hrs local time ok tak..tengok jam 1713hrs..hahaha bleh plak pi tutup mata konon 5minit..naaaaah! 15minit.bangun cuci muka style P.Ramlee terus turun... dah la Winter,hujan plak tu..bawa payung..payung pun terbang..10 degrees..beku tak..dengan long sleeve n jeans jer.almaklumla lay over flight buat per nak bawa winter coats all kan? :) hahahaha sendiri cari hal padan la muka.. Ra n 3 lagi crew makan MCD..sambil tggu time berbuka tu we all sempat la mengumpat..dah kureng pahala eden..camner tu..haish nama pun manusia kan...

Hari ke-4 , berbuka w anaz,syazsy n casper. Plan nak makan satay kg pandan fav si syazsy..last last end up makan kat plaza damas..borak borak pasal frenship...pasal business..sedap sedap borak..nah..datang sorang perempuan berbaju kurung dengan muka selenga...nak kata kureng siuman cara she dressed up normal..hahahaha so si syazsy ni pun melayan..nahhh, apa Ra buat, Ra melekat kat anaz ..gerun siot...kalau korang ada kat situasi tu..sure korang faham.Si casper yang ganas pun serrrram bila minah ni baca jampi serapah..kata si casper, takut siot malam ni aku tido mimpi dia.hahahahah.

Today,
Ra demam...my nose exactly macam drain yang tersumbat..:(( dah la Ma n my sista tinggal kan me alone at home w maids.. ( so tak la lonely sangat ) tapi tetap la..sakit hati.dah la puasa.before berbuka tadi Bibik tanya " adik mau bibik masak apa?? " Ra senyap jer... thn she tanya lagi "Bibik masak porridge with mushroom nak" hahahahaha terus Ra yang tengah pening lalat ni gelak...kenapa?? sebab Bibik speaking..hehehe if my other maid si Ika tu logic la.. sebab dia dah lama kerja with my family.. so i'm amazed..!

Tobacco & Alcohol

Pagi pagi bangun , buka mata syukur Alhamdullillah..hidup lagi aku ni di atas bumi ALLAH.

Kebiasaannya kalau tak kerja as OFF days ker or standby yang slalu nyer takkan kena call up ( alasannyer u A340 rated so we will only call u for long haul flght..haish memang payah la kot org org nak m.c long haul kan sbb allowance meletopzz..) so end up aku duk la kat umah sepanjang hari..so hari ni esok n lusa im on standby 1 start pukul 0330-1230.pastu off 3 hari..gila bapak if tak kena call up aku cuti 6 hari la kot..kan bes if pergi holiday..duk tepi pantai cuci biji mata tgk montot minum air klapa makan udang bakar..sunbathing...wah !!! nikmat.

ok ok dah melalut.

back to d subject.slalu nyer routine bila bangun

1.minum air masak satu gelas

2.bergolek2 macam nangka busuk

3.on laptop yang memang 24 jam kat sebelah sambil check handphn (sbb Ra tdo ,phn silent)

so slalu berlunggok la sms ke miss call ker org yang maki hamun... ;)

4.dah menghabis reply segala wall ka facebook , check email company , on YM n letak status bz

(alasan, xnak org yg kurang disukai meng-Buzz Buzz)

5.gosok gigi ( if rajin mandi skali )

6. turun thn tanya org2 dibawah..cthnyer : " ma, masak apa bfast?? ija, nak kuar tak hari ni??

ika atau bibik nanti naik atas tlg bawa baju saya turun cuci na ( bunyi macam spoilt brad

kan?? hakikatnyer tu time pagi pagi jer. )

Tapi hari ni routine tu berubah sikit

4. kenapa la aku ni suka minum padahal bukan sedap sangat pun..mungkin sebab aku slalu mix

dengan Cranberry juice kot...haish puasa nak dekat tapi takkan aku nak stop minum time

puasa jer..ni memang salah sorang umat yang ......... hehehe. so aku berazam di pagi hari untuk

berhenti minum for gud.means utk slamanyer.. :)

5. Termenung lagi dan pikir pasal rokok...aku mula rokok umur 16tahun selepas tragedi yang

berlaku ke atas org tersayang...on n off untuk tempoh setahun. umur 21 selepas putus cintan

aku rokok balik sampai la 6 bulan lepas,aku tekad nak berhenti..baik punya cerita dapat

berhenti dgn bersih selama 3 bulan..pastu ada satu hari lepak dgn syazsy berjam2 tgk

dia hembus asap macam sedap jer.. minta sebatang..haaaa pastu start la blk...Ra..Ra... So,hari ni aku buat public announcement kat facebook jadi sendiri mau ingat la.

6. Nak turun bawah minum susu n makan..lapaq!!

will be back soon.

Singlehood & being a complete woman .

It was frustrating. I sat down to really think through this issue. Self-conflicts.I didn’t understand why being in a relationship could actually drive someone to such level of unhappiness. Shouldn’t relationships be a happy thing?a fairytales with happy ending. Isn’t it supposed to bring me infinite joy? Why would something that is supposed to bring me bliss result in so much unhappiness in myself?

Realization that i am complete.The truth is, I am already complete by myself. There is no need for my partner to enter into my life before all those things can happen. I can already be doing them as I want to. Just because I’m single and not looking doesn’t mean that I should be putting my life on hold.

There is a huge difference perceptions & attitudes towards relationship between when i think me myself as an incomplete person & when i think of myself as already complete.This understanding of being complete is a state that is all encompassing. It emanates my thoughts , emotions, behaviours & actions.

When i seeing myself as complete,getting into a relationship becomes something that is supplementary and will make me a fuller person,Since i dun look towards having a relationship to complete myself, the attitude towards love and relationship stops becoming rooted in fear .

I start to know what i want & what is truly right for me. I hv full of love and happiness. I am perfectly happy being myself.

Being complete does not mean there is no reason to be in a relationship. It means looking at relationships from a totally different aspect.Looking towards supplement rather than completing.It means to start truly living life & love myself unconditionally.

I am completely happy!

Love-ly

I havent met many lovely people in my life.So when i do i feel honoured.hehe.When i first saw him i got an instant feeling of how lovely he is.simply wonderful. .

My upbringing was pretty normal,pretty weird,in equal measures.I knew it wasnt ideal , but thought everyone had a life like mine.When i got discovered that people thought of their mums as their best friend and dads as their heroes.I thought of my parents as 2 ppl who couldnt spend more than an hour together without an argument kicking off. It was like living in a war zone.Once i was little i swear not to let my kids experienced the same.

As i got older , i understood what we'd be willing to do to keep someone in our lives,what we needed to do to make someone stays in love.I realised what is marriage,what is the war zone was all about.Adult stuff.It was about marrying someone you dont know very well,so as you grew get older,got to know this person in and out,you found cracks in the relationship..soon, those cracks become craters and those craters become valleys and those valleys became expanses that were unbridgeable.By that point,you only saw negative things when that person wandered into your line sight . Everything they did irritated you,the way they put food into their mouth nauseated you,their expression as they watched tv riled you,their voice was black noise to your ears , the way they existed in your life was a red rag to the bull of the unfulfilled dreams.

So as i got older,i always pray that Allah destine me with my soulmate so then i dont have to go through all this adult stuff. Is he d 1??hmmm . Right now...

I'm in love?? YES! i love his voice.The way he speaks,the intonation of his voice.i love it all..

What i want is to be with you.To rest my head on your lap and have you to talk to me for hours about everything and nothing because that is a way of telling me the meaning of love . I want to put my arms around you, hold you close,stroke your face so that you know i'm always yours.

Feelin' down.

Listening to Shiela On 7 , lagu Waktu yang tepat untuk berpisah..

Hmmm Ra tak tau kenapa rasa sunyi sangat and at times rasa nak nangis and jerit kuat kuat.
Rasa rindu,sedih,upset semua la..Ra tau benda ni tak bagus..dia negative.
Tapi kadang kadang lagi Ra nak jauhkan fikiran lagi tebal rasa tu.

And sekarang Ra tengah nangis.tak tau punca.tiba-tiba rasa sebak.2008 & 2009 banyak perkara yang jadi.Macam macam pengalaman yang boleh dijadikan panduan hidup.Ra tak tau kenapa rasa sunyi..rasa macam seorang diri di Bumi ALLAH.tiada teman di saat Ra perlukan seseorang.Kerja,kerja dan kerja.Jauhkan sara dari kehidupan yang sedia ada.bawa Ra ke satu dimensi yang Ra rasa berbelah bahagi..yang perlukan Ra untuk memilih pilihan yang ternyata sukar.

Ra penat.Penat untuk menyedapkan hati semua orang apabila hakikatnya Ra sedih dan ada kolam luka yang amat dalam.kadang kadang Ra terfikir,adakah Tuhan sedang menduga hamba--Nya? Tapi akal yang waras ni selalu terhenti pada soalan yang tiada jawapan.

Macam macam perkara dan hal yang nak Ra jadikan realiti, tapi mampu ke kalau Ra hadapi semua tu seorang diri.. mana hilangnya semangat yang amat orang kagumi, mana hilangnya SARA yang cekal dan tabah..apa yang tinggal cuma seorang yang hampir berputus asa atas segala segi..keyakinan diri melayang entah ke mana.tanpa punca yang boleh dijadikan alasan.

Ra sedih,sebab Ra tahu,yang sebenarnya Ra mampu berdiri tanpa sokongan sesiapa,cuma kadangkala tanpa sokongan , semangat akan pudar.

I don't know what do people expect from me.

I have to get going from the past..i've told them the reasons,i dont know what else there is to say.Maybe they don't know me as well as they think they do.

Old pain in me doesn't completely die.Time may soothe it,stroke over until it looks like it has healed,but it never dies properly.It stays with me, lives in the cracks of my soul,waiting for the moments when i could feel the true pain.Other people had hurt several times over the years.I'd cried,i'd ached,i'd grieved with varying degrees of intensity , and i'd always known, after what had happened when i tried to tell him i loved him,that it only hurt enough to leave a scar when the person mattered.

Things only matter if we allow them to..we all stand out in lots of different ways,that only matters if we let it.

I could feel him, i could spent hours with him and know very little and i could spent years with him and know even less. I'm sorry cause sometimes i feel like i've been cheated out of being a real woman.When the person had managed to open up path to the centre of life's.Few people had managed that.I never realised that the next person who would cause me as much pain as him ,who has done to me those years ago ,actually cause me all that old pain again,today.

What am i supposed to do about this??
Right now , i'm looking for honesty,chances,sincerity and endless love.Most important is assurance.He don't have to be perfect cause i'm not perfect either.

Definition of 'TARUH or KAKI TARUH'

Bagi yang pertama kali mendengar title tu.. meh sini che nak habaq mai,
Taruh ni maksudnya macam marah atau pun buli.. tapi definisi sebenaq nya che pun tak pasti.
Kaki Taruh pula orang yang suka marah marah tanpa sebab ataupun hangpa tak buat salah langsung atau hangpa ni realitinya lagi bagus daripada dia jadi ada ja si kaki taruh ni nak cari pasai..hidup dia takkan sempurna la kalau tak taruh orang..

Perkara-perkara sebegini banyak berlaku di alam penerbangan..hehe aku buat direct translation..takpa na..hangpa jgn marah na. Orang-orang yang suka menaruh ni adalah kebanyakkannya 'senior2' depa perasan baguih la.. ingat dah lama dalam company as if they noe more bout life la.. so budak-budak baru ni akan jadi mangsa. Ada je la Si kaki Taruh ni nak tuju walaupun hakikatnya dia tak pernah kenal atau bersua muka..tup tup dia pi buat pasal.. " u noe.. u la si polan anak si polan.......! i heard alot bout u... u tak ada courtesy la, attitude la " - itu ayat yang kebiasaannya si kaki taruh ni guna...
Honestly pada aku , attitude tu maksudnya subjektif dan tak relevan sekiranya seseorang tu menghukum seseorang tanpa mengenali diri sebenar. Courtesy tu dibahagikan kepada beberapa faktor ..antaranya adalah senyum, tak kisah la hang nak senyum plastik ker, MH ataupun SQ,janji hang senyum.yang keduanya adalah magic words seperti ' THANK U,SORRY,EXCUSE ME,PLEASE' .Perkataan-perkataan ni kebiasaannya diaplikasikan dalam kehidupan seharian dalam sesetengah kita, tapi ala ala sunat gitu, Tetapi lain cerita nya untuk si kaki taruh ni..benda tu wajib bagi mereka mereka..
Kadang-kadang hangpa tak reti buat kerja pun kalau courtesy maintain , depa bleh ajaq, kalau dpt kaki taruh yang so so baik juga la.. tapi kalau courtesy takda hang chai la, dia boleh baling tray pun..

haish..kalau che nak ckp pasal taruh menaruh ni,macam never ending story la jawabnyer..
so..che nak pi mkn nanti la kita sambung no.